Another Year
 
Another year is starting.  A new slate, fresh, nothing written on it,
no joys, no sorrows.  It's an opportunity, and an obligation.

What will it be like?  What will it bring?  There will be many events
over which we have no control.  And there will be things over which
we cannot exert our influence.

What do we want from this new year?

First, we need to realize that there is no magic.  Solvable problems
are the realistic ones to tackle.  Take some time to discuss and
identify a few things you can do to make this new year at least
decent.  (Remember you're allowed to be happy).

There is a song that includes in its lyrics, "All the people tell me so. 
What do the people know?"  If they haven't waked in your shoes, most
of them don't know much about what you're having to do.  So
DON'T MEASURE YOURSELF BY THEIR YARDSTICK.  They think you should
have done this, not done that, have completed the other.  You're the one
who's doing it, so you figure out what's realistic and possible for you.
And try it.  Don't be afraid to revise your plan, revamp your
schedule.  It's not written in stone.

BE GOOD TO YOURSELF.  Small pleasures can bring small joys.  Small
joys are better than none.  The odd occasional treat --  flowers, a
special food, dinner out, a trip, calling a friend, a walk on a nice day -- 
You know what pleases you.  Don't be afraid to be kind to you.

HELP SOMEONE ELSE.  It may not sound logical, but to reach out to
another hurting heart in friendship, love and caring, helps to heal
our own wounds.  A hug, a note, a phone call, sharing something
you've written, doing things for your TCF chapter that will help others --
they help you too.

Another year is starting.  With work and determination,

    TOGETHER WE CAN MAKE IT!

                        Joan D. Schmidt, TCF, Central Jersey


I Know That I Am Still Healing

    I listened to Christmas carols this holiday season and enjoyed
them.  This year my sorrow was muted by the excitement of seeing
those I dearly love.  The kids were coming home, our son from college
and our daughter who lives out of town.  Their presence fills the house
with noise and laughter, and I am drawn into it.  I am grateful.

As the New Year begins it is difficult, especially for the newly bereaved,
to think of the future that does not include the missing child.  Making New Year's
resolutions may seem trite.  In the past, making resolutions was a
game you played with self-promises quickly broken.  This year, perhaps, serious
thinking is in order.

Combining resolution with determination can help in the healing.
With healing comes renewed life.  It's worth the struggle.  Here
are some to reflect upon.  I resolve I am going to try to: 

- put the pieces back together
- take care of myself physically
- accept invitations
- try "firsts"
- keep my marriage intact
- give the kids back their mother/father
- cook dinner
- smile
- understand someone's good intentions, even though the wrong
         words come out.
- put normalcy back into life
- try to understand that everyone comes at life differently,
          and so also grieves differently
- ride out the low periods
- enjoy laughing without guilt
- understand that grief is unexplainable and therefore not
        understandable.
- not to accept any point in healing...reach for more
- let go
- learn how to deal with those tough questions:  How many
        children do you have?  Aren't you over it yet?
- look at other children without pain
- keep from becoming a recluse
- rebuild frendships
- continue when I falter
- seek help.  The Compassionate Friends are there.
  
May the New Year bring peace and hope that you will make 
it through.

            Evelyn Lanzillotti, TCF Abington PA




                                Memories

                Within each tear that falls
                        Is a mirror....
            That reflects a special moment
                        In our lives.
                They trickle warmly down
                    And land in a puddle
                        In my heart.

                            Tammy Tobac, TCF, Pittsburgh, PA


The New Year comes
When all the world is ready
For changes, resolutions
Great beginnings.

For us, to whom
That stroke of midnight means
A missing child remembered,
For us, the New Year comes
More like another darkness

But let us not forget
That this may be the year
When love and hope and courage
Find each other somewhere
In the darkness
To lift their voices and speak:
Let there be light.
                    
            Sasha Wagner